Handyman or Bust!

Happy Friday to you.

 

So, late last night, as I drove my 3 year old from gymnastics class to McDonalds for her regular post-gym class meal of nuggets and fries, the temperature gauge on my Jeep decided it was a perfect time to shoot up to red and start smoking...

 

 

...why on God's green Earth do cars always decide to do this when you are either in line at a fast food place, in the middle of a busy intersection, or at least a minimum of 30 miles from your house?...

 

...the machines are rising up...

 

 I quickly shoved the designated McCash into the heavily tattooed knuckles of the McDonalds employee, grabbed the Happy meal, and sped off before I became THAT lady who's car breaks down in the drive-thru lane like a clot in a heavily greased artery.  No one likes being in that situation.  It's right up there with annual exams and public speaking...

 

So I keep driving, begging and pleading with my car to at least make it to my best friend Emily's house, who was watching my other little one whilst me and my tiny gymnast were at class. 

 

We've all done that...you know, make deals with your car as if it's some almighty prayer-answering deity...

 

"Come on buddy! I know you can do it! We're almost there and then you can rest!"

 

"Please make it! I promise if you make it to the gas station I'll never push it this close again!"

 

"Come on buddy, if you make it home without blowing up in this heavily populated intersection, I swear I'll stop ignoring my oil change light and eating Taco Bell chalupas with one hand!"

 

Yeah, we've all been there.

 

So I made a few of these promises to my car and then immediately called my husband.  He told me he'd be there right away, but for now I had to turn on the heater and pull over, otherwise I'd burn out my head gasket...Sounded scary.  So, naturally I kept driving because I refused to be stuck on the side of a busy road, all the while making deals with the Devil, prayers to Jesus, bargaining with the car gods, and luckily I made it to Emily's without completely breaking down.

 

About 25 minutes later, my knight in shining pick-up truck showed up, giant trailer in tow.  He cranked a few levers, lowered the rampy thing on the trailer, and then backed the ailing Jeep right up the ramp and into the perfect position.   He backed the truck and trailer down to the bottom of the street into a small cul-de-sac so that he wouldn't be in anybody's way, and then proceeded to bust out his ratchet straps so that the Jeep was nice and secure and wouldn't roll into oncoming traffic... he's so thoughtful like that.

 

The girls and I hopped in the truck and we made our journey home through the back roads of Gretna since the truck's hookup for the trailer lights wasn't working.  After all, we didn't want to freak out other drivers and more importantly, we didn't want to get pulled over.  He maneuvered his way through the back roads gravel maze all the way home, never once missing a turn or a stop sign in the black of night, shifting gears when needed to account for pulling the heavy load up or down a hill, not to mention knowing right when to swerve to avoid giant mud holes from all the rain we had that morning.

 

If I had been driving, I would currently be posting this from my phone down in a ditch.

 

This morning he was up before all of us, flannel shirt on, coffee in hand, out working on the car. 

He went and bought some parts and anti-freeze before I even realized he had left, and before I knew it the Jeep was fixed. 

 

 

He gave me a quick insightful lecture on how the modern engine works, showed me where the pipes run, where the gaskets are, and what can happen when you don't listen to your husband in regards to engine trouble, and then slammed the hood and we were good to go. 

 

The moral of the story?

Make pancakes on the mornings that your husband needs to get up early to go fix something...

 

Oh, and marry a handy man
 Not just the kind of guy who can change the battery in the smoke alarm or a change a tire in under 2 hours and thinks he deserves a Nobel prize... no no. I'm talking a real, honest to goodness Brawny type who can fix it all, build it all, and be an awesome daddy and husband at the same time.  Here's a small list of requirements:

1. Change a tire in under 20 minutes.
2. Fix, or at least be able to diagnose, any and all things that go wrong with any kind of engine.
3. Hang a light fixture, flat screen tv or a ceiling fan.
4. Unclog the nastiest of drains
5. Unclog the nastiest of vacuums
6. Will go to the store just to buy tampons and a People magazine.
7. Pull a calf that's being born and not flinch at the grossness
8. Rope that calf a year later went its being stubborn and teenager-y
9. Change a poopy diaper in under 30 seconds
10. Have all the needed supplies for changing the oil in your car, on hand, at all times.
11. Can coordinate 4 shades of pink for his little girls outfit and top it off with a perfect pony tail.
12. Can drive a stick better than most of us drive automatics
13. Can build a house
14. Always carries an extra pacifier in his pocket, just in case.
15. Will watch a Meryl Streep movie with you, no questions asked.
16. Puts a piece of duct tape over a nasty cut he got.
17. Will eat any food you put in front of him and will act like it's the best thing he's ever had.
18. Drops you off at the door before parking, raining or not.
19. Will teach his children how to drive a truck when they are still toddlers
20. makes blankie forts
21. Can carry two children at a time so they don't escape from Sam's Club

 

 

 

 



He's a good egg.

Ladies, if you can find a man like this, then make your mark and never let him go. A man like this is an asset and a real benefit to have around, and I for one think that if you are married to a Brawny McFixIt type, then your homeowners and car insurance premiums should be discounted.

He will always be there when you need him, he won't ever let you down, he doesn't complain about a little hard work, he's always appreciative and supportive, and his little girls will grow up expecting no less from any man who tries to pursue them.

 

:) Ashley