The Five "S's" of Facebook, and why cat pictures are a better choice...

Happy freezing cold day to you!

 

It's days like this that I dread walking out the door.  I channel my inner agoraphobe, hunch inside of my oversized Old Navy fleece zip-up like a little homeless lady, and just stare out the window like a bored cat.
 

There's no snow, so the cold yet cozy feeling hasn't yet overcome me, and it's only day 1 of the arctic-like season, so I'm sent into an instantly grouchy mood knowing that at least 4 more months of this frozen hell are still to come.

 

Oh well. It's still the Holiday season so that's enough to keep me going for now.  Oh, and we might finally be getting insulation and drywall in the next two weeks!

 

In case you have forgotten, this blog is actually about building our dream Farmhouse and the life that goes with it.  It has, however, been a bit lackluster in the world of construction these past several weeks, so in the interest of not boring you to tears with talk of "running wires" and "air duct offsets", I decided to fill these blog pages with talk of California, deep thoughts, and other random musings that may or may not have kept you entertained...

 

...I'm sorry if you have been holding on by a thread...

 

So what's on the docket for today? Well, I was wondering that myself the past couple days...racking my brain for ways to put an amusing spin on heating and air, fireplace caps, or why vents from bathroom fans need to be no more than 15 feet, but I just couldn't come up with anything more than

 

"'Cuz if the vent is too long, your poop fumes will get trapped and will float back into your house"

 

 As I thought and thought and thought on what to talk about, I spent my time over-snacking, staring off into space, and of course, browsing Facebook to kill time in between loads of dishes and sweeping at work.  As I slouched in my chair, sipping my coffee, scrolling through post after post, it hit me like a book to the face...

 

I'll do a post about Facebook!  More specifically the stuff I see ALL. THE. TIME....

So without further ado...

 

The Five S's of Facebook

 

1.Selfies

So we've all seem them and most of us have done them. It's the selfie.  You know, those pictures people take of themselves because they can't resist the urge to show off their sexiness to the world.  Please, selfie addicts, refrain from posting these pictures all the time.  We get it.  You're pretty.

Amidst the abundance of selfie posts, I have come to notice that there are 3 main types of selfies:

 

A. The Serious Selfie

This is the selfie that shows off just how serious a girl in a tube top, or a dude at the gym can really be.  A little secret guys, you just look constipated.

 

B. The Bathroom Selfie

Some selfies are taken in the comfort of ones own bathroom, because nothing says sexy like a wet towel and underwear on the floor and a vanity top caked with hairspray and blush powder with a few random tampons scattered about...  Clean up already.

 

C. The Pet Selfie

Every once in a while, you'll see a selfie that features the person smashing their little Cockahauhaushitzadoodle against their face while doing the duck lips face that we all know and love.  These selfies would be cute if you're tiny fluffy friend were also duckin' it, but sadly, they just look concerned, so please, keep these frightened pet photos to yourself or someone is going to call the ASPCA.

 

The only time selfies should be allowed is if you have a really cute friends picture to show off, a seriously funny face that just had to be shared with the world in order to brighten someones day, or if you have become a mother in the past 3-4 years and haven't shown the world that you actually exist outside of your children. Then it's okay to prove that you are still alive by posting a selfie....

 

...A tasteful selfie that is... not a,

 "Hey! look at my new boobs and flat tummy thanks the Mommy Makeover that I just got thanks to a handy surgeon and my lifesavings!"

 

Moving on in my series of top 5 Facebook posts...

 

2. Symbols

I love when I'm scrolling along and I see a post that is just a smiley face, or a heart, or some little random emoticon... I just don't understand...you took the time to post that, knowing that no one will know what you are talking about? That's all I have on this topic because I have no additional information to give....

 

3. Song Lyrics

I hope you don't find me snotty for making fun of the song lyric posts, but they always make me laugh a little.  I can understand if you're super enthused about a song and want to show your love...

 

"OMG I just LOVEEE the new Miley Cyrus song! "I came in like a wrecking balllll, all I wanted was to break you offff"  GOOD STUFF! Love me some Miley!"

 

But please don't just write out a lyric (or 8) from a song. We get that you are in some kind of melancholy mood and your whole world is crashing down around you because your boyfriend just dumped you or your BFF talked trash behind your back, but please, write your own sad lines. Copying songs is just lazy...and it's plagiarism.  It's punishable people.

 

4. Sad Stories

It really brings me down when I open up the Facebook only to be bombarded with sad and depressing news headlines or status updates about awful happenings that really should be kept private amongst the family members.  I mean no disrespect for the those you who are just trying to spread the news, but seriously, please keep the depressing stuff to a minimum.  A girl can only take so much sad. In fact, next time you want to post something utterly depressing, just post a cat picture instead....

 

 

See?? SO much funnier!!

 

5. Secret Messages

Ok, these are probably my favorite. We have all seen them. You know, the message where someone is obviously mad at someone and they feel the need to leave a cryptic message telling their disgust with this person.  They never say who its about, and they never say exactly what it's about, but they for DAMN sure want to make sure that this secret person is publically shamed in the world of Facebook for their super top secret awful actions!

 

Shame Shame Shame on you secret person!

 

But seriously, we all know that the people posting these messages are secretly hoping that the person they are directing the message to sees the post, realizes it's about them, thus causing them to want to call out the person who posted it, but they can't because they don't have proof that it's actually about them, and they don't want to look stupid in case they are wrong, so they have to just sit and stew instead...

 

It's just so complicated to be mad at someone these days. I mean what ever happened to rounding up your posse to settle in it the streets with a good old fashioned dance off??

 

 

Well there you have it. The top 5 posts I see on Facebook.

 

I, in no way mean any offense to anyone if you are a compulsive Selfie taker, symbol lover, plagiarizer, Debbie downer, or cryptic messager, but please, if you find yourself feeling the urge to commit any of these acts of Facebookery, please, oh please, just post a cat picture instead.

 

:) Ashley

 

 

 

 



The Perfect Turkey and Business Names...

Hello there!
 

 Only 8 days until Thanksgiving!  If you are hosting this year, then bless your heart. 

 That also probably means that you are on turkey duty. Here are 3 tips to make sure your bird is a hit:

1.Remember to take out the "bag o' guts".  Speaks for itself.

 

2 Cut up a few yellow onions, garlic cloves, carrots, celery, herbs and salt and completely cover the bottom of your pan. This will create a delicious braising liquid for step 3.

 

Oh step 3... you are glorious...

 

3. Roast the bird upside down (yes, breast to the bottom) for 75% of the time it's in the oven.  Low and Slow baby.  The white breast meat braises in it's own juices as well as the yummy veggie juices, making it so very delicious.
 

This happy accident was discovered by my friend who had never made a turkey before and decided to host a friends Thanksgiving one year. She, unknowingly, place the turkey in the roasting pan upside down, and when it came out, we all cocked our heads to the side wondering why it looked so funny, but then dug in and realized it was the juiciest white meat any of us had ever had....

 

...I hate the word 'juicy', so the fact that I voluntarily said that means it was exquisite.

 

Once you have about 45 minutes left to go on the timer, take the bird out, carefully turn it over so it's breast side up (have a couple sets of hands available as well as tongs, and oven mitts...it could get a little messy), baste with butter, and continue to roast for the remaining time so the skin can crisp up and brown.

 

 

Boom.

The most moist Thanksgiving turkey ever.

You're welcome....

 

...I hate the word 'moist' equally as much as 'juicy' so again, you know it must be good.

 

...and 'crusty'...I hate that word too...

 

Turkey wisdom aside, that's not really what my post is about today.

 

I'm at a crossroads with work, and I could use a little input from you.

 

Yes, YOU.

 

I am currently in the process of making my bakery a bit more professional and by that I mean I am finally investing in having a real logo made in order to have some marketing materials made up to boost and expand business. 

 

One of the issues I have come across with designing a logo, is the business name...

 

...yes, I know I already have a business name, Bittersweet Bakery, but during my countless hours of research, I have come to realize that there are about a million other Bittersweet Bakeries out there as well...

 

...not sure how I missed that two years ago, when I chose the name. One of them is even in Nebraska!

My face when realizing the abundance of Bittersweet Bakeries.

So, naturally, as I'm never satisfied with anything, I now wonder if I should change my business name before I pay to have a logo and marketing materials made up.  My overall customer base is still small, so if I was going to do it, now would be the time.

I just really dislike the idea of being one of a boatload of Bittersweet's out there.

I want to be unique.
I want to be one of a kind.
 I want to be memorable... ya' know?

For example, I really love the show "Unique Sweets" on Food Network.  Many a nights I have sat Indian style in bed, watching this show, drooling, running to the kitchen during commercial breaks to search for old Halloween candy or freezer burnt ice cream just to satisfy my sweet tooth, and every once in a while they highlight a bakery that has a very unique name. 
My two favorites are Craftsman and Wolves, and 4 in 20 Blackbirds. Both neat shops, and both with very interesting and memorable names.  The name alone makes you want to visit the place.

When I first opened my bakery, I decided to go the safe route as far as the name went. I chose a word that was baking related, and of course, sounded cute.  After a couple years, I now realize that that may not have been the best decision for me personally. I know the name shouldn't matter, that it's the products that I sell that I need to keep my focus on, but I just can't help this nagging feeling that there is a better name for my little bakery.  A name that makes it stand out on the street as well as on print. A name that makes you wonder how the owner came up with that? A name that makes you want to come in and check it out. 

So I've been brainstorming...

...and drinking wine...

...and brainstorming some more, and what I have come up with is 3 different ideas. Not names, but methods for choosing a name. 

1. A name that doesn't even sound like a bakery, but rather something on the opposite end of the spectrum. For example:

The Butcher Shop

This name is actually taken already, by an east coast bakery. It's neat. I feel like this is a good way to show a little quirkiness and that you aren't afraid to think outside the box.

2. I like business names that play on either someone or something's name, or sound almost like a book title. For example:

 The Girl and the Fig
Country food with a French passion

(yes taken. It's in Sonoma and its adorable)

I use a lot of dairy products and honey in my recipes, so I thought about maybe a play on words involving a cow and a bee... like,

Bumble + Pearl
(a bees name and a cows name)

See what I'm saying? Cute, but curious.

3. And last but not least, a name that takes a simple yet consistent physical feature of the business itself and makes it into a short and sweet name.  For example:

Blackboard
Old School. American. Bake Shop

This one I actually came up with.  My bakery has lots of blackboards and I love them.  I actually plan on adding more as soon as I can find the time.

So, I don't know...thoughts? I have so many ideas running through my head and I can't seem to wrangle them and sort out the sick ones...can you tell we deal in cattle too?

hmmm, a name with cattle in it could be fun...

Argh!!! What to do?!

I should turn this joint into a wine shop too so I can drink at work...

Any thoughts? Please?  Respond in the Facebook link if you don't mind...


:) Ashley