The Five "S's" of Facebook, and why cat pictures are a better choice...

Happy freezing cold day to you!

 

It's days like this that I dread walking out the door.  I channel my inner agoraphobe, hunch inside of my oversized Old Navy fleece zip-up like a little homeless lady, and just stare out the window like a bored cat.
 

There's no snow, so the cold yet cozy feeling hasn't yet overcome me, and it's only day 1 of the arctic-like season, so I'm sent into an instantly grouchy mood knowing that at least 4 more months of this frozen hell are still to come.

 

Oh well. It's still the Holiday season so that's enough to keep me going for now.  Oh, and we might finally be getting insulation and drywall in the next two weeks!

 

In case you have forgotten, this blog is actually about building our dream Farmhouse and the life that goes with it.  It has, however, been a bit lackluster in the world of construction these past several weeks, so in the interest of not boring you to tears with talk of "running wires" and "air duct offsets", I decided to fill these blog pages with talk of California, deep thoughts, and other random musings that may or may not have kept you entertained...

 

...I'm sorry if you have been holding on by a thread...

 

So what's on the docket for today? Well, I was wondering that myself the past couple days...racking my brain for ways to put an amusing spin on heating and air, fireplace caps, or why vents from bathroom fans need to be no more than 15 feet, but I just couldn't come up with anything more than

 

"'Cuz if the vent is too long, your poop fumes will get trapped and will float back into your house"

 

 As I thought and thought and thought on what to talk about, I spent my time over-snacking, staring off into space, and of course, browsing Facebook to kill time in between loads of dishes and sweeping at work.  As I slouched in my chair, sipping my coffee, scrolling through post after post, it hit me like a book to the face...

 

I'll do a post about Facebook!  More specifically the stuff I see ALL. THE. TIME....

So without further ado...

 

The Five S's of Facebook

 

1.Selfies

So we've all seem them and most of us have done them. It's the selfie.  You know, those pictures people take of themselves because they can't resist the urge to show off their sexiness to the world.  Please, selfie addicts, refrain from posting these pictures all the time.  We get it.  You're pretty.

Amidst the abundance of selfie posts, I have come to notice that there are 3 main types of selfies:

 

A. The Serious Selfie

This is the selfie that shows off just how serious a girl in a tube top, or a dude at the gym can really be.  A little secret guys, you just look constipated.

 

B. The Bathroom Selfie

Some selfies are taken in the comfort of ones own bathroom, because nothing says sexy like a wet towel and underwear on the floor and a vanity top caked with hairspray and blush powder with a few random tampons scattered about...  Clean up already.

 

C. The Pet Selfie

Every once in a while, you'll see a selfie that features the person smashing their little Cockahauhaushitzadoodle against their face while doing the duck lips face that we all know and love.  These selfies would be cute if you're tiny fluffy friend were also duckin' it, but sadly, they just look concerned, so please, keep these frightened pet photos to yourself or someone is going to call the ASPCA.

 

The only time selfies should be allowed is if you have a really cute friends picture to show off, a seriously funny face that just had to be shared with the world in order to brighten someones day, or if you have become a mother in the past 3-4 years and haven't shown the world that you actually exist outside of your children. Then it's okay to prove that you are still alive by posting a selfie....

 

...A tasteful selfie that is... not a,

 "Hey! look at my new boobs and flat tummy thanks the Mommy Makeover that I just got thanks to a handy surgeon and my lifesavings!"

 

Moving on in my series of top 5 Facebook posts...

 

2. Symbols

I love when I'm scrolling along and I see a post that is just a smiley face, or a heart, or some little random emoticon... I just don't understand...you took the time to post that, knowing that no one will know what you are talking about? That's all I have on this topic because I have no additional information to give....

 

3. Song Lyrics

I hope you don't find me snotty for making fun of the song lyric posts, but they always make me laugh a little.  I can understand if you're super enthused about a song and want to show your love...

 

"OMG I just LOVEEE the new Miley Cyrus song! "I came in like a wrecking balllll, all I wanted was to break you offff"  GOOD STUFF! Love me some Miley!"

 

But please don't just write out a lyric (or 8) from a song. We get that you are in some kind of melancholy mood and your whole world is crashing down around you because your boyfriend just dumped you or your BFF talked trash behind your back, but please, write your own sad lines. Copying songs is just lazy...and it's plagiarism.  It's punishable people.

 

4. Sad Stories

It really brings me down when I open up the Facebook only to be bombarded with sad and depressing news headlines or status updates about awful happenings that really should be kept private amongst the family members.  I mean no disrespect for the those you who are just trying to spread the news, but seriously, please keep the depressing stuff to a minimum.  A girl can only take so much sad. In fact, next time you want to post something utterly depressing, just post a cat picture instead....

 

 

See?? SO much funnier!!

 

5. Secret Messages

Ok, these are probably my favorite. We have all seen them. You know, the message where someone is obviously mad at someone and they feel the need to leave a cryptic message telling their disgust with this person.  They never say who its about, and they never say exactly what it's about, but they for DAMN sure want to make sure that this secret person is publically shamed in the world of Facebook for their super top secret awful actions!

 

Shame Shame Shame on you secret person!

 

But seriously, we all know that the people posting these messages are secretly hoping that the person they are directing the message to sees the post, realizes it's about them, thus causing them to want to call out the person who posted it, but they can't because they don't have proof that it's actually about them, and they don't want to look stupid in case they are wrong, so they have to just sit and stew instead...

 

It's just so complicated to be mad at someone these days. I mean what ever happened to rounding up your posse to settle in it the streets with a good old fashioned dance off??

 

 

Well there you have it. The top 5 posts I see on Facebook.

 

I, in no way mean any offense to anyone if you are a compulsive Selfie taker, symbol lover, plagiarizer, Debbie downer, or cryptic messager, but please, if you find yourself feeling the urge to commit any of these acts of Facebookery, please, oh please, just post a cat picture instead.

 

:) Ashley