oh....wait.... It's today!!!
Hey...shouldn't you be basting a bird, lovingly topping a cheesecake with cherries, or frantically wrapping those last few gifts?
Yeah, me neither...
Ok, ok, I'm not completely as carefree as I'm coming across right now. Once all these special orders are picked here from the bakery, I'll leave here and become one of those sanity-deprived women at the grocery store picking up last minute Christmas dinner items, then speeding home like Cruella DeVille to finish up no less than 8 hours worth of last minute to-dos before the family festivities start later today, all in about 3 hours.
I know for some of you, super awesome, always composed, always poised, magazine worthy, got my shopping done in August, the turkey has been brining for two days, the cheesecake is chilled and ready, my children are bathed and dressed in their green and red velvet matching outfits, let me just touch up my lipstick and re-dab my Chanel No. 5 on my long, slender sweat-free neck, overachieving Pinterest moms, that having a long list of last minute to-do's wouldn't be a big deal...
...but I am an unorganized slacker, with under eye bags, paint stained yoga pants and a frizzy topknot that is quite possibly housing an old Cheez-it and toddler snot...so don't judge me...here's the rundown...
My Christmas Eve Short List:
1.Peel and thinly slice 700 lbs of potatoes for Scalloped Potatoes tonight.
2. Frantically Google what temperature to bake 700 lbs of potatoes at, and for how long.
3. Realize I forgot to buy foil to cover the potatoes, "Cruella DeVille" it back to the store.
4. Finish wrapping the Christmas presents whilst my little angels recharge during their naps.
5. Forgot Scotch tape... screw the store... I'm gonna make this last 3 inches of tape work for me so help me baby Jesus!
6. Find a way to call my mom and tell her that despite my best efforts to sweet talk the guys at the UPS store, they wouldn't overnight her Christmas gift to California for any less than $184.00 and that I sincerely apologize for being an awful, awful child.
7. Layout girls clothes for dinner tonight.
8. Feel guilty about why I don't dress them better.
9. Shower and shave, finally. Crap, this razor has rusted over...don't want to risk Tetanus...just wear long socks.
10. Toothpick the potatoes to see if they are cooking...still hard as rocks... awesome!
11. Girls are awake, get the some snacks ready PRONTO to ward off possible Exorcist-like moods.
12. While girls are snacking, go dry and style hair, put on makeup, and get dressed.
You have 7 minutes...
13. Get girls dressed. *Don't forget to put on oven mitts and old welding mask to prevent bites.*
14. Tell husband to go shower and get ready. *Remind him that if he thinks now is a good time to take a long, leisurely 45 minute shower, that he will be greeted with the wrath of a 1000 banshees upon exiting the bathroom.*
15. Check potatoes again.... Still hard, yet somehow burning on edges... double awesome...
16. Take presents out to car to take tonight. *Open trunk to find the back full of bags of old clothes and toys that were meant to go to Goodwill that you put back there 3 weeks ago when you were all motivated and on-the-ball for the Christmas season....yeah, make multiple trips back and forth in the blustery 4 degree weather to get those back inside the house where they will sit in the entryway until Valentines Day*
17. Go redo hair that was ruined from the arctic tornado outside.
18. The girls are running around naked....find their clothes.
19. Check potatoes...*queue the eye twitch*
20. Husband is still in shower...
...summon the Banshees...
I know for some of you, super awesome, always composed, always poised, magazine worthy, got my shopping done in August, the turkey has been brining for two days, the cheesecake is chilled and ready, my children are bathed and dressed in their green and red velvet matching outfits, let me just touch up my lipstick and re-dab my Chanel No. 5 on my long, slender sweat-free neck, overachieving Pinterest moms, that having a long list of last minute to-do's wouldn't be a big deal...
...but I am an unorganized slacker, with under eye bags, paint stained yoga pants and a frizzy topknot that is quite possibly housing an old Cheez-it and toddler snot...so don't judge me...here's the rundown...
My Christmas Eve Short List:
1.Peel and thinly slice 700 lbs of potatoes for Scalloped Potatoes tonight.
2. Frantically Google what temperature to bake 700 lbs of potatoes at, and for how long.
3. Realize I forgot to buy foil to cover the potatoes, "Cruella DeVille" it back to the store.
4. Finish wrapping the Christmas presents whilst my little angels recharge during their naps.
5. Forgot Scotch tape... screw the store... I'm gonna make this last 3 inches of tape work for me so help me baby Jesus!
6. Find a way to call my mom and tell her that despite my best efforts to sweet talk the guys at the UPS store, they wouldn't overnight her Christmas gift to California for any less than $184.00 and that I sincerely apologize for being an awful, awful child.
7. Layout girls clothes for dinner tonight.
8. Feel guilty about why I don't dress them better.
9. Shower and shave, finally. Crap, this razor has rusted over...don't want to risk Tetanus...just wear long socks.
10. Toothpick the potatoes to see if they are cooking...still hard as rocks... awesome!
11. Girls are awake, get the some snacks ready PRONTO to ward off possible Exorcist-like moods.
12. While girls are snacking, go dry and style hair, put on makeup, and get dressed.
You have 7 minutes...
13. Get girls dressed. *Don't forget to put on oven mitts and old welding mask to prevent bites.*
14. Tell husband to go shower and get ready. *Remind him that if he thinks now is a good time to take a long, leisurely 45 minute shower, that he will be greeted with the wrath of a 1000 banshees upon exiting the bathroom.*
15. Check potatoes again.... Still hard, yet somehow burning on edges... double awesome...
16. Take presents out to car to take tonight. *Open trunk to find the back full of bags of old clothes and toys that were meant to go to Goodwill that you put back there 3 weeks ago when you were all motivated and on-the-ball for the Christmas season....yeah, make multiple trips back and forth in the blustery 4 degree weather to get those back inside the house where they will sit in the entryway until Valentines Day*
17. Go redo hair that was ruined from the arctic tornado outside.
18. The girls are running around naked....find their clothes.
19. Check potatoes...*queue the eye twitch*
20. Husband is still in shower...
...summon the Banshees...
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
...where's the Tylenol?
...and the rum...
:) Ashley
No comments :
Post a Comment